continue of last post

sorry about that i got kicked of because there was a class booked in the library and im on spare aand well yeah lol anyways like i was saying i started a new book series which is the house of night whish i can easily say im totally addicted and obsessed about incase you don't know what im talking about the books are marked, betreyed, chosen, untamed, hunted and tempted and burned comes out may 27th which i totally can't wait for :D and well yeah lol now this series is like a big grip from the first page in book 1 to the last page of tempted and there are going to be 12 books out in this series which is pretty cool i really love it and my character crush or my ficticious boyfriend would be stark who isn't introduce until the third or fourth book this is one series i would reccommend and its about vampyres but its nothing like twilight at all but yeah i really like it alot well anyways woooooooooooooooo new moon is in like less then 24 hours for my first viewing and on monday i will write an awesome review of the movie so watch out lol and currently music and dance and well excercise are back in my life so i can lose the weight my friends say i don't need to lose lmao but whatever im not super skinny just yeah lol my guy trouble has been alright but could be better and yes yet again i have turned guys down (N) :( i really need to learn to let my social beast out like i do on here and i will i also figured out what university im gonna go to but i won';t say it on here just yet and back to my guy issues well i think i decided to not bother with a relationship until university and just worry about my grades and getting a job and getting into university and all that essay work whish you gotta love which i don't because i hat doing essays with a very big passion and well i have english next semester and well you know im kinda screwed because the teacher is like really hard and then apparently she scares us grade 12's with getting good marks which is crazy and well something i have to handle but i don't know if i can but yes i know my social attitude needs to vastly improve like my vocab has and my reading and stuff has like really if i spent as much time going out there doing stuff like i am on the computer i would probably have like tons of friends and maybe even the boyfriend i have never had well i don;t know all i do know is that im working on it very hard even though im very much procrastinating on it as most people don't lol maybe i should be all cool and just not care what others think like really the only problem i hvae is knowing what to do whish is something i really wish i knew so if you know anything please tell me :) and i know fictional boyfriends do not count and yes i also know this post is super confusing but bear with me lol now i think im just gonna go ahead and do something crazy and unlike me and besides whats it gonna matter it will koin the vast high school memories i do have and stuff and well its my last year so what are people to really care what i do cause i don;t think i do like really why do i think the world revolves around my social status when in reality i haven't done anything to improve or affect it at all so why am i complaining when this time next year it will be a whole new ball game and really now you may wonder where i get all of this when i say i know nothing i guess i say that to get out of doing stuff but for once in my life im not gonna do that at all for once im gonna be someone who isn't me and make very many new friends and maybe a boyfriend but the only thing i have to make sure of is that i don't chicken out of it this time because if i do im gonna be antisocial something i would really hat being and stuff like really the word anti-socaqil just depresses me and makes me think how i will be like in the future like really im a very independent person as it is and maybe sometimes dependent and what would i do when things get rough and to hard for me to handle who would i be able to turn to besides myself but thats the freaky reality i would hat to face right now like really i would probably go into a much worse depression then i am in now not that i am in one really bad because im usually happy when it comes to the friends i have and school and it always brings a smile to my face but if i don't do this now how will i be remembered at my school the day i graduate this year and thats one day i probably will cry because its the end of living in a cage and finally going out there in the big world and i really don't know if i could really handle but something makes me think i can because i just really want to leave my hometown and go do bigger and better things but the only thing i seem to be missing is the encouragement to do all this so for once im gonna encourage myself to do everything i said i would but didn't and i hope that makes things so much better and till my next post tata for now :)